Birthing Class- it's not just for hippies anymore.

We had our first birthing class on Monday night (we were told it was not to be called Lamaze class, as that implies we will only learn Lamaze, and not the smorgy of other techniques on the roster) and it was really cool. I was apprehensive about it a bit- some of my friends and fellow preggos have dug their classes, while some thought they were crappy and irrelevant. But ours so far is pretty damn awesome.
For starters, the nurse who teaches it has been doing so for 28 years. Holy crap. The only thing I've been doing consistently for 28 years is being a smartass. Wow. Also, she is the lactation specialist for our hospital, so it's nice to get to know her now. Second, it was good to be in a room with a bunch of other couples from all walks of life who are kind of on the same page as us. Everyone was a first timer, and it was like a cool club we were all members of. A club that involves videos of gooshy baby births.
We learned some massage techniques that our Partners (so un PC-to call the men who got us in this predicament "dads" or, heaven help us, "husbands") are supposed to practice nightly to help our low backs (yay!). The best part is the nurse demonstrated these massages on an unsuspecting volunteer mom (who's partner was actually another chick, and her spouse, so forget my un-PC complaint, and vive la difference!:) . Nursey had her straddle this chair and next thing we know, she is totally squishing this ladies ass and tail bone in a rhythmic motion. We all became 7 years old and got the giggles, especially the chick's partner and a few of the younger dads. And Gavin. Of course.
Then we watched the aforementioned moist-ish baby birth videos, and boy, has my man made progress. The first time we saw one of these, like back in October, he was so totally skeeved out that I wondered if him fainting/and or puking should be written into our "Birth Plan" (not doing one of those, BTW.) But now that our gal Gwen is a reality, he was so fascinated and awed by the whole process, the inherent grossness didn't phase him at all. Right on, my modern Hubster. You are gonna be such a good dad.
So all in all, it was a really good night, and we both came away feeling like the whole thing will be a nice bonding experience before the birth. I'll give you updates- next sesssion is "Pinch Your Wife While she Attempts to Breath Thru the Pain" week. I kid you not. Oughta be a comedic goldmine, is what I'm thinkin'. Especially when I punch Gavin in the man-area and see if he can breathe thru it.


Optimus Primate said...

Huh? No joke? There's pinching?

Anonymous said...

Love your humor! Just wanted to clarify that she can't call it a Lamaze class because she hasn't taken the steps to be certified. If she had, she would know that Lamaze doesn't limit what you teach - Lamaze Ain't Your Ma's Lamaze anymore - and it incorporates everything! Well as long as it's evidence based and promotes healthy birth!
Most of us gave up having partners inflict pain (just too close to what a lot women put up with) and instead substitute ice to practice pain coping techniques.
Have fun in your class...just don't let her tell you too many un-trues! I look forward to reading your blog and will let you know if she teaches anything we would never cover in a Lamaze class!

The Fitzlosopher: said...

For reals, there is pinching. I thought she was kidding too. Hi Anonymous: Thanks for the compliment! :) I think our teacher is certified- I don't remember- but she wanted us to know we would be learning Bradley, and a bunch of names I don't remember, as well as stuff specific to our hospital. She said we could just call is Lamaze if that were easier, but for some it gives the impression that just breathing/pain management is involved.

C. said...

See? I told you there was pinching! And there was ice-cube homework (and I don't mean listening to his greatest hits.) I only did the ice homework once. But your class sounds almost exactly like ours. It surprised us how 'naturally-minded' the class seemed to be overall. Very cool. But I'm still a-scared.