10 Reasons I am a Bad Person

1. I say I like classical music, but mostly, I just like the "Greatest Hits" of any given composer. Give me Canon in D or Moonlight Sonata or any of that crap you can get on one cd at Borders for five bucks and mission accomplished. and in keeping with this...

1.5 I can listen to "Total Eclipse of the Heart" pretty much any time of the day or night and still appreciate its pomp and majesty.

2. I have been known to use those free address labels charities send you without making a donation. They're just so damn convenient, and I'm just so damn poor.

3. Sometimes I cut people off when I drive here, but then swear at those who do the same to me. And while I do it, I am aware of my own hypocrisy, and I weep inside.

4. I say incredibly bitchy things about people on TV. Like this one chick on America's Next Top Model who kind of looks like a horse? I totally say she looks like a horse.

5. I sometimes don't recycle stuff that's a real pain in the ass to rinse out, like old peanut butter jars. Sorry, Mother Earth.

6. I totally swallow my gum. In fact, I just swallowed some right now.

7. I hang up on phone solicitors immediatley. I have no sympathy for them at all, even though they are "just doing there jobs". I feel the same about door-to-door evangelists of any kind. No, I do not need a copy of "The Watchtower".

8. I recently did begin flossing for the first time ever, but I do a piss-poor job of it. I floss in about 25 seconds.

9. I do not wash my fruit thouroughly at all. I like pass it under the tap for half a second and then bite down on all those yummy pesitcides and cow shit.

10. If it's night time, and Emmy poos far into the vacant field known as "Pooh Corner", I do not pick it up. This also applies to situations where a hole is found in the bag, or the poo is not of a consistency conducive to neat picking up.