Things That Make Me Swear Like Lucifer's Aunt

As I mentioned before, I am attempting to swear off the swearing. In an effort to identify my triggers, I will now list some of the situations that tempted me to use low-speech in the past week:

1. Neighbor who decides to have entire back yard of trees cut down at 8am on a Sunday.

2. Douchey guy at Whole Foods, West Hollywood, who makes the abysmal parking situation there exponentially worse by choosing to park his Mercedes in REVERSE as literally dozens of people are held up behind him.

3. In general, people who park in reverse.

4. Going along with the parking theme, the people on my block who like to park squarely in the middle of each chunk of parkable curb, so that no one else can fit.

5. The Mystery Dog in my neighborhood who barks at 2:30 am for a half hour as though he is programmed by the Swiss to do so.

6. Customers in front of me in line at Target who would like to do three separate transactions to pay for their Lemon Pledge, Hungry Man Dinners, and bag of candy, paying for each with small increments of cash and change.

7. The people at the department of Water and Power, who have started inexplicably charging us for "sewage services" when we have never paid for such services before.

8. People on my baby chat board who are naming their kids ridiculous things, like "Poppy-Harlow Niveah", "Dresdyn Grey" (dressed in gray, anyone??), "Ryersen", and "Pennar". I respect their right to name their children, as long as they respect my right to think they are lame.

9. The mournful looking lady who sits outside our supermarket and begs for money for her mysterious "cause", and who gives me a doubtful look when I say, truthfully, "I don't have cash" (I never carry cash, it's sort of my thing).

10. The fact that my dog woke up covered in hives and is apparently allergic to something. I am thinking that something is fleas, as I saw one (just one!) on her...but you never can tell with Emmy. It's liable to be a space virus or Chinese Death Flu something.


Optimus Primate said...

Re: #8, One can only hope that their children grow up to be incredibly beautiful. Otherwise, they're screwed, and not in the good way.

Seriously, think back to high school -- remember the kids named "Tomorrow" and "Freedom" and "Flower" who didn't get harassed and/or tormented on a daily basis? Remember what they looked like?

I'm just saying. That's a serious gamble.

C. said...

Remember how I told you G and I were (unofficially) trying the same "don't cuss or be judgemental" thing?... Yeah, I can't do it. I simply cannot. And I blame this ALL on the dumb people I must curse or judge on a daily basis. Oh yeah, and hormones.