Ok, you know whats lame? The era we live in, that's what. Because now we all have access to this pop-psychology Oprah Love's Me This I Know bullshit that we trot out to conveniently explain and justify all our character flaws. Case in point, quitting things, like oh, say smoking. How many times have i heard "I can't quit until I am ready" or "I have to do it for ME" or "I don't really want to quit yet." And I mount my soapy soapbox and I cry in ringing tones "BUUULLLLSHIIIIT!".
Ya know why? Because heres a news flash, kids. You will NEVER REALLY WANT TO QUIT. You will know you should. You will intend to quit. But you are an addict, and your body wants you to stay that way and keep supplying the sweet sweet nicotine. The people I have known that have successfully quit almost always do it because they simply get fed up with the shitty aspects of smoking (cancer, massive expense, the fact that they smell like burnt dog hair) not because the fucking Blue Fairy visited their dreams and took their hand and walked into the light with them. There will never be an easier time- a time when you wont be stressed, or going on vacation, or planning on a party where you have to drink. It will always be hard.
Your moment of beauteous religious epiphany where things become clear and quitting comes naturally? It's not coming. You will instead have a moment like my dad had recently, where he could not breathe and nearly crashed his car. Or a moment like my mom had when her doctor told her she had the lungs of a 50 year old at 28 (Joy, aren't you 28 now?). Or you will realize your kids go to school smelling bad, or that you spend 70 bucks a week on a habit that's killing you, or so many laws will be passed that you will be reduced to smoking lying on your own bathroom floor in a tent you have fashioned out of bath towels, praying the secret police don't find you out. And you will choose to quit in that moment, or not.
I know that some people put it off because they don't want to try and fail. But for Christ's sake, TRY. In the end, it doesn't matter whether you "do it for yourself" or you do it for your toy poodle, just do it. Keep doing it. Quit and quit and fail 1,000 times until you figure out how to make it work. WE COULD WIPE OUT 30% OF ALL CANCER BY ELECTING NOT TO USE TOBACCO. Think about that. Think about the people who love you. Think about what it will feel like for them to lose you- to watch you suffer. Fuck thinking about quitting for "me". Quit because you must. It's becoming a fucking joke at this point.
Sorry you guys. I just quake at the health of some of my family. And it makes me sad and angry. So sorry. Just needed to vent.