Things That Make Me Swear Like Lucifer's Aunt

As I mentioned before, I am attempting to swear off the swearing. In an effort to identify my triggers, I will now list some of the situations that tempted me to use low-speech in the past week:

1. Neighbor who decides to have entire back yard of trees cut down at 8am on a Sunday.

2. Douchey guy at Whole Foods, West Hollywood, who makes the abysmal parking situation there exponentially worse by choosing to park his Mercedes in REVERSE as literally dozens of people are held up behind him.

3. In general, people who park in reverse.

4. Going along with the parking theme, the people on my block who like to park squarely in the middle of each chunk of parkable curb, so that no one else can fit.

5. The Mystery Dog in my neighborhood who barks at 2:30 am for a half hour as though he is programmed by the Swiss to do so.

6. Customers in front of me in line at Target who would like to do three separate transactions to pay for their Lemon Pledge, Hungry Man Dinners, and bag of candy, paying for each with small increments of cash and change.

7. The people at the department of Water and Power, who have started inexplicably charging us for "sewage services" when we have never paid for such services before.

8. People on my baby chat board who are naming their kids ridiculous things, like "Poppy-Harlow Niveah", "Dresdyn Grey" (dressed in gray, anyone??), "Ryersen", and "Pennar". I respect their right to name their children, as long as they respect my right to think they are lame.

9. The mournful looking lady who sits outside our supermarket and begs for money for her mysterious "cause", and who gives me a doubtful look when I say, truthfully, "I don't have cash" (I never carry cash, it's sort of my thing).

10. The fact that my dog woke up covered in hives and is apparently allergic to something. I am thinking that something is fleas, as I saw one (just one!) on her...but you never can tell with Emmy. It's liable to be a space virus or Chinese Death Flu something.

Week 27

First, Some photos, mostly for my fam who were asking for belly updates:


This one below has sort of become the "control" outfit- mostly cause I wear the swishy pants (made as wedding present from Brook lo these 4 years ago) so much that the "velvet" has worn off and the individual pants molecules are holding hands just to keep the whole thing together.




FINALLY, we are getting more impressive from the front!

I really need to vary my poses- I know. It's just that it becomes increasingly hard not to feel foolish taking these- and my face usually looks bored, or goofy, or both when I try to "smile for the camera". Whatever- we all know it's just belly you're interested in anyway!!

In baby development news- I now can feel kicks in two places at once, simultaneously, as she is big enough to touch both top and bottom of belly when she stretches out. Last night it looked like the creature from Alien was trying to burst forth from my belly- sounds horrible, but it cracked me and Gavin up for a good half hour (we don't get out much these days...).

OH! and Gavin and I are trying to swear off swearing. Mostly just the big bad ones. We are thinking that A: Usually cursing just means you are being lazy in your choice of words- we have way better ones to express ourselves, so we might as well use them and B: I don't cherish the idea of cursing so much around a baby- I know, I know, it's bound to happen, and for the first few months she wont really be picking up too much- but she'll be fresh and new and...I dunno, it couldn't hurt to lessen the sailor speak. SO the way it works is, when one of us slips up and uses an expletive, the other one has to call them out. That becomes a strike. You get 10 strikes and then your spouse gets a prize of their choice. So far, potential prizes have been a weeks worth of unlimited control of the remote, spouse has to do dog bathing for three months, or spouse does all the cooking and shopping duties for 2 weeks. Since SundayGavin has three strikes. I have none. HA! I think i have this one in the bag.

Nicole Fitz: Bargain Huntress

One of the traits I wish to pass on to my wee daughter is the love of the hunt....the thrill of the bargain....the tingle of knowing you got something for less than other people paid. My mother bequeathed this magic to me, and I in turn shall pass it on...I have no idea why it makes me so happy to get a deal, but it does, dammit, and it's one of the healthiest ways to get a buzz I know of. I mean really, no one is hurt AND you save money?! Win/win. My big score this weekend was baby bedding. There was a set I kind of liked at Target.com that was about 150 bucks on sale, but I was holding off on getting it- I didn't know if I should wait for the shower/for the price to drop further, etc. Now I know I was really holding out because fate had a Supreme Bargain in store for me.


We were in Baby Gap this Sunday checking out some maternity tee shirts (when you start out with in inordinately long torso, and then stick a basket ball on the front of it, turns out your shirts are too damn short.) And there I saw it. A freakin adorable 4 piece bedding set in exactly the colors, textures, and materials I wanted, ON SALE for over 70% off! It was 250! And I paid 85! HOLLAR BACK! I know it is tacky to tell people what you paid for stuff, but I am my mother's daughter, and the joy of the steal outweighs the shame of it. It is white cotton pique with embroidered fleurs and butterflies and bumble bees all over its cute self. I am putting a pic up below, so you can roll around in my bargain with me.
Yay! Baby Gwen gets to sleep under Mommy and Daddy's wedding colors! And Mommy gets to sleep under the 165 bucks she saved- it makes a thin blanket, all those crisp one dollar bills, but a warm one nonetheless.

The new man in my life...

Meet George. At first, he took some getting used to. You see, I've had the same man in my bed for many years now, and getting used to George's....well....bulk... took some time. And now- well now I can't go to bed without him. At first Gavin was jealous- but the other night, I came to bed only to find him sound asleep, spooning George in a loving embrace. While it was disturbing, I am all for harmony in the home, and Gavin has been very nice about sharing our bed with a third. George relaxes me, and puts me into positions I've never experienced before. In short, even though it's only the beginning of the relationship, I think I'm gonna have to keep sleeping with him. For about another 3 1/2 months anyway. Here's a pic of him:





And so you get an idea of his size, and how I sleep with him, here's a pic of him with his ex:

Looks like she was preggo too. Some guys are just into that, I guess.

Photos! Cause I gave you my word!

We went to Hell's Kitchen (the show, not the neighborhood) in week 22 . I haven't gotten even remotely dressed up in 3 months, so I thought I'd include a pic:

And then Week 23:

And this week, week 24! More than halfway there- only four months to go really!


Not too dramatic from when I first "popped", but every Thursday I measure my circumfrence using toilet paper squares (hey, it's always around) and, I went up 1/3 of a square between wk 23 and 24. (Keep in mind, week 23 in pregnancy time means 22 weeks plus x days, cause then your like, in your 23rd week, or some such nonsense. I don't really get it- I just go by the little ticker that emails me)
PS: Why do I always look sleepy in these pictures? Must be after 8pm...

5 tidbits of thought, covered in savory mozzarella.

I am woefully owing in belly pictures, I swear I will take one tonight. But anyways, here are some things floating around my brain:

1. What about a tax credit for buying an American car? I know it'd piss off foreign car makers a bit, but wouldn't pumping assloads of money into the American companies piss them off even more? And this would still allow for competition within the American brands. Plus, I'd like to get a chunk back for buying my partial zero emissions focus when I coulda bought a Hyundai....I may be a selfish bitch, but I am also an honest bitch.

2. Hey, President Obama, I'm super glad you apologized so emphatically for all those tax-evading nominations. I was impressed, as always, by your lack of bullshit and very non-politiciany candor. But in the future, could you please maybe have your LEGIONS OF STAFF do a slightly better vetting job? Cause we liberal types already get enough shit about taxes, without having a bunch of our higher-ups not paying them.

3. Hey, Mr. Cheney, would you just go dry up some where? While I agree managing terrorists is a dirty job, I refuse to believe it is one that requires us to shit on our own Constitution, or on human rights for that matter.

4. I have done research on vaccinations vs no vaccinations. I am going with vaccinations.

5. I need to read some good books. All I have read for about 6 months are books about pregnancy and birth, and it's never a good idea to know that much about one's own uterus.

That's all. Belly picture soon, I promise.

Life Update, etc.

I haven't the energy for a clever title today, kiddos. I am Tired, with the capital "T" denoting the specialness and profundity of my Tiredness as opposed to the bourgeois, pedestrian tiredness the rest of the unwashed masses experience. Har de har har. I am wrapping up rehearsing Stage Door, which goes up tonight. I will be done with that on Saturday, and then I can go back to the lovely 10 odd hours of sleep a night that my body seems to be demanding. For this week, however, it's been work all day, run home for a bite to eat, and rehearse all night. Wash, rinse, repeat. I am having a really good time though- so nice to be rehearsing again, even if only for a 2-nighter.

Anywho, add to the lack of sleep the fact that my dogs decided inexplicably to get into a bad scrap (or maybe 'explicably', since there was a piece of chicken skin involved) that left Emmy with a weird limp last night- I don't know if this was the result of all 11 pounds of Percy's might knocking her ass over tea kettle, or a mistimed attempt of hers to jump up on the bed to get away from him (really, their rare little fights involve no biting, just a lot of noise and knocking into one another). She had no bite marks or injuries I could feel- I was up and down her leg pulling and pinching with no sign of pain, but she was limping and not her jovial self all night. She slept in bed with us and I was up about 4 times to check on her, poor puggy, and this morning called the vet to make an appointment to get her checked out. Literally as I was on the phone, she decided to put weight on her leg, eat all her food from the previous night, and sniff around for an errant piece of the aforementioned chicken. Vet said to give it a day before bringing her in. Arghh. Freakin' dogs.

BUT- me and Gav have tommorow off together (until I have to go to call) so I plan on sleeping in and having brunch and all the things that refuel me till the cows come home, followed by a Sunday of the same.

That's all. Baby is doing great, wigglin and kicking and being a growing fetus-child. I lerv her, you guys. I really, really do. Sometimes I swear she knows when I need a little pick me up, and gives me a kick in the belly so I know she's there. So really, I have nothing to complain about. Tell me to shut up. Ok, shutting up. Boo.

PS: I ought to post a belly pic soon- I think it's bigger, but in a weird way, like it's dropping down lower or something. Probably since I am not Christmas eating anymore, I'm not packing on poundage like last month. Good times.