The Greatest Celebrity Sighting, Ever.

Living in Los Angeles, one sees celebrities from time to time. Most often, it's reality show peeps (I have now run into Santino from Project Runway in two completely different places). But yesterday, as I had lunch in Studio City, something truly magical happened. I saw this man:


Yes, that's right, Stephen Root, who (among many other roles) played "Milton" from Office Space. It's kind of an odd coincidence, as A: I recently re-watched Office Space for shits and giggles, like less than a week ago, and B: A coworker gave me his orange Swingline stapler as a gift (thanks Ian) three days after said viewing. And now, the trinity is complete. Thanks, LA. You certainly are bizarre, aren't you?

PS: He is a lot better looking in person. He'd have to be, huh?

"A List from Nicole: It's a Good Thing"- M. Stewart

I was feeling in a bloggerly mood with nary an important life event to blog about and SOOOOOO.....

A List of My Favorite Movies as a Kid

1. Has to be Neverending Story. I wanted to be that freakin Childlike Empress so bad, i went around with one of my mom's necklaces hanging between my brows affecting a crappy Madonna-British accent. And remember turning up the volume and putting your ear to the TV to figure out what name Bastion screams? It's Moonchild. I read the book just to find out. And now that you know, you can totally hear it in the movie. I think they added the line about using his mother's name and then forgot to edit the final name choice. Either that, or Bastion's mom was a major hippie. Maybe that's how she died- overdosed on some shrooms or something. Of course, none of this makes sense if you never were into this movie. But really, if you weren't, I don't care to know you anyway. Just kidding. Come over and we can watch it.

2. Anne of Green Gables/Avonlea: OMG, lovely story, innocent Victorian high-jinks, Coleen Dewhurst, Gilbert the-original-McDreamy-Blythe, and Anne! Oh my red-haired strong-willed lovely "she doesn't know she loves him yet" Anne! What more does a romance addicted little girl need? Granted, there are some super cringe-worthy moments (I am looking at you, "White Way of Delight") but all in all a night watching these movies with some brownies and wine involved is still a wonderful night in my book. And now, thanks to a generous sister, I own the whole boxed set. So again, come over if you haven't seen it. Unless you are male as this movie will cause your testicles to shrivel up and blow away like so much dust in the frosty Canadian wind.

3. The Last Unicorn: Japanimation loveliness. This story is so bittersweet that my little 7 year old heart could barely take it. Plus, the Big Lebowski (or is it really the Little Lebowski?), Jeff Bridges, voices the prince. Oh! And there's this mortifying soundtrack done by the band America..."She's the laaaaaaaast Unicorrrrrrrrrn!!!" Perfection.

4. Pee Wees Big Adventure: We recently re-viewed this wonderful movie, and it's only gotten better now that I am old enough to get all the jokes. A fun contest my hubbster and I like to play is "Who can remember the most quotes?". This contest is best when slightly drunk. "Annnnd knitting, annnnnnnnd knitting, annnnnnnnd knitting........"

5. The Labyrinth: David Bowie gave me my first "funny feelings". He is so bizarrely and incomprehensibly hot in this movie. Plus, Jennifer Connelly gets to wear a big poofy dress with eighties hair and one of the aforementioned head-necklaces. This movie was a bit scary at times, but so worth it. Remember that scene when she thinks she's home at last but it's all bullshit?? That's some hard and fast reality for a little kid whose parents are going through a divorce, let me tell you.

6. The Little Mermaid: This movie made me and every other little girl within hearing distance of it's music want to live Under the Freakin Sea. There is somewhere a cassette tape of me trying to sing "Part of Your World" at 11, and failing miserably, I might add. Thanks Disney, for giving us little girls realistic body proportions to aspire to... Oh, for eyes the size of saucers, fifty pounds of red hair, and a 7 inch waist!!

A Message From the Management

I, Nicole, Queen of...well...this blog, do herebye declair a moratorium on the following words/phrases/semantical practices:

1. The word "fierce", except when in reference to wild animals.

2. The use of the surname "licious" added to words. Girlicious, bootylicious, f*&kingstupidwordlicious, all of you are done. Delicious, you are still ok. For now.

3. Rhyming "Obama" with "Mama", or any other "ama" word. Its lame and not as clever as you seem to think. Stop it.

That is all. We reserve the right to add on as we see fit. Thank you.

-The Management

Art!

I am often disappointed in myself for not taking further advantage of the awesome cities I have lived in; it seems sometimes that you put off going to things in close proximity simply because they're are so close- you could always do it another time. So I am very glad to have finally gotten to the Getty Center this weekend with the hubby and the in-laws.
What an awesome day! First, unlike every other museum I've been to, this one is very modern in design(it opened in 1997), so it is exceptionally easy to navigate and the flow of the place naturally guides you from room to room and exhibit to exhibit. I listened to a tour guide talk about the designer, Richard Meier, using visual clues to guide the museum-goer. He used glass walls on some exhibits to make them feel more open and accessible, and light-sensitive louvered ceilings so the paintings can be observed in natural light as God and the painters intended. All in all, lovely. The collection is not as extensive as the Met, but in a way, it's relative sparseness actually helps you fully digest what you are seeing. You are not jumping around to so many eras and regions and you get a real feel for the time and place of the artist. They had lovely Greek and Roman sculpture ( I tend to like those best) and a great variety of paintings/sketches. One of my faves is this piece by Jean-Ettiene Liotard, created with pastel crayons(!):

I liked her so much (and her little dog too) that I sprung for the fridge magnet. How bourgeois piggish of me! There is also a sketching room where you can use provided paper and easels and draw sculptures all set up for you. Gavin really enjoyed doing that.
So anway, go! It's FREE (parking is 10 bucks) and a great way to spend a day!

Audition # 876- Cell Phones and Stage Moms

Commercial audition yesterday, for a European cell phone spot. So I curl my hairs, and put on my best attempt at an "urban, but not LA- more NY-quirky" outfit, and travel the three odd miles to Studio City.

I pull up to what looks like a normal store front in a strip mall, but bears the name "Xanzabar Studios" or some such crap. It looks sort of like a hair salon from the outside, except it is BURSTING AT THE SEAMS WITH SMALL CHILDREN. Like seriously, dozens of 5 year olds, the child-actor overly precious kind. I try to get thru the door but a small Korean lad is doing a sort of break-dance on the welcome mat. His mother watches me trying to get around her spin kicking son and does nothing. Nothing at all. I get in and there are kids just freaking everywhere. And they are all turned up to 11. Like, all smiles, and loud snarky "Kids Say the Darn'dest Things" type proclamations and Gap Kids clothing and kiiiiiiiiiiiillllll me now please. 'Studied Precociousness' is the most painful of all false personas. Except 'Studied Earthiness'. I am looking right at you, Mssrs. Obama, McCain, Palin, and Biden....
Anywho, turns out, Disney is holding an audition there too. Here are some vignettes:

1. Totally awesome Kid-Wrangler calls up three cherubs and jokes with them while learning their names. One very ironed and polished little child with hair so shiny I could do my makeup in it says to her "My mommy said if I do my best she will take me to Color Me Mine. And a restaurant." The nonplussed wrangler says something like "I'm sure you always do your best...". And I am thinking, "Your Mommy is kind of a beotch, because you are a little child, and you should just 'do your best' to have fun, as you have the rest of your life to work like a slave like the rest of us suckers. So your Mommy should take you to Color Me Mine regardless. And I hate your Mommy, a little".

2. A young blonde boy named Brayden or Jayden or Skayden is sitting next to his plump blonde Momma, taking up four available seats in this crowded room cause Fill-in-the-blank-den is sliding his little fanny all over the bench like a dog with worms. And then he licks his Mom's bare arm. To which she says in a chipper voice "Hey! Are you a cannibal??". Blank-den then bites his mother, repeatedly, while she says "Are you a doggy?? There are no dogs alowed in here!!{giggle} We have to stop taking you to that Pirates of the Caribbean ride! Now my arm smells bad." WTF? First, tell your kid to sit the F still in a public crowded place so all the other people there can sit down. Second, your child just bit you. Maybe we shouldn't throw him an Affirmation Parade and instead tell him that his behaviour is inappropriate. Third, your arm smells? Eww. Brush that kids teeth!

3. But for the fact that my good best friend would never foist a career in the show-biz on her small lovely girl, I saw a kid who was totally Ash's daughter at 5. She had long red-blonde hair, and glasses, and the biggest blue eyes ever. She was also wearing a hot pink and black arm band, neon green polka dotted leg warmers, and every article of jewelry I presume she owns. She had clearly picked out this awesome ensemble for herself, and she rocked it. Her name was Elizabeth, and i almost abducted her, she was so stinking cute.

The audition itself was kind of fun- improvy, and I think I did pretty well. I'll keep you posted if anything comes of it. Anything that is besides the magic that was this blog entry.

Sunday Musings

I fancy that when I am an old albeit tall gray lady, I will have time to compile weekend musings and relate them to my reluctant grandchildren. In preperation for that time, I strung a few together here, for practice:

1. Have you ever noticed how pigeons make sex noises when they are roosting together? When you walk pass all you hear is "Unhh, unhhh, uhnhh", all low like maybe their parents are in the next room and they don't want to get caught.

2. In keeping with a bird theme, why do owls always look pissed? Wise, but pissed. Like Hillary Clinton:

3. I saw a boy of about 7 walking on the subway platform w/ his mom in that spazzy way 7 year old boys walk, like he is listening to his own private scat session. He pointed at a gray haired woman to his right and yelled "Hi OLD LADY!!!!" and then cracked up as his red faced mom dragged him away. It was hillarious and awful. Like Tyra Banks.

4. A lizard no less than 9 inches from nose to tail walked right in our front door the other night (no, not a sex euphemism- a real lizard). My husband did as most modern males would in this situation- he lept up like an outraged old woman at bingo and shusshed the lizard back out by gesturing towards it with a couch pillow. Him Tarzan. Me Unimpressed.
Thats all the musings we have for today, folks. Have a lovely Sunday.

The 'Liberal' Media and Why Everyone Can Go Suck It

Ok, so I just need a vent blog. And here it is. Ok. Are people honestly, really and truly saying that all this media coverage about Palin's daughter is because of sexism and a media bias against the GOP? I climb to the top of Mount Sinai, take a deep breath of crisp mountain air, and cry "Buuuuuuullllshhhhiiiiiiiiit!!!!".
Let's all close our eyes and go to our Honest Place. Are you there? Good. Ok. Do you (the hypothetical you that writes editorials on this nonsense) honestly beleive that if Joe Biden's 17 year old was, to use the parlance of our times, 'knocked up', we would not hear about it with the same fervor in the news? Do you REALLY think he would get a pass because he is a liberal and a male? Do you?
"But Nicole", you say, "Biden's son is involved in a money scandal and we are not hearing about it is much, what do you say to that, hmmm???" Well, my heart, I say this: If there is a bias in the media towards certain presidents, it would be towards the presidents printed on our money. And I am sorry, which story is "juicer", more "Perez Hiltony", more bloggable: Biden Jr.'s mismanaging of a hedge fund, or Bristol getting in a fambly way w/ a self proclaimed redneck hockey player?? Am I saying these are news worthy, informative stories? Hells no. But the reason they get play is not because the media wants Barack to be president (which I'm sure many of them do) but because the media is....wait for it.....in the business of MAKING MONEY! It's that precious "Free Market" many of you worship so very devoutly- 'if the people don't want it, they wont buy it'. Unfortunately, Bristol's Baby (which sounds like the title of a Harlequin Romance novel) is the sort of trashy, lucrative fluff that people will double click on their lunch break.
And then my fave, my absolute FAVORITE, is all the crusty old white dudes jumping to her rescue because this scrutiny of her is "sexist". You know what's sexist? Feeling the need to play Old Crusty Knight in Shining Armor to a woman who is a self described "Pitt Bull in Lipstick". She can take care of herself, thanks very much, and has to weather the storm just as Barack had to suck down Jeremiah Wright and Clinton had to live down his Oval Office BJs. She doesn't need your help just cause she's a girl. That's sort of the whole point. (And while we're here, might I point out that the "Hot VP" and "Babraham Lincoln" pins are kind of defeating that point.)
Do questions about her ability to lead while being a mom point to a pervasive sexism in our society, as those same questions are not directed to men with families? Yup. Just like mistrusting Barack because "his name sounds Muslim" or because he's black points to pervasive racism in that same society. And the way to address both these problems is not to wring our hands in mock outrage, as thought we are suprised by this, but to use these historic nominations for some self examination, and watch these two people break those stereotypes in the American consciousness forever through their actions.
"But her daughter is an innocent victim!!!" Well, where was all this outrage when Elizabeth Edwards, innocent victim of all time, and her equally innnocent kids were having their personal lives smeared all over the walls while battling terminal cancer? Where were the Old Guard then? Look, I am not saying this sort of news coverage is right, and personally, I don't give a tin shit what the candidates or their families do in the bedroom, so long as their politics are good and they don't try to moralize to us all about not doing precisely what they do. I'm just saying this: EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP CRYING FOUL AND FLYING INTO FAKE MORAL OUTRAGE WHEN THEIR DIRTY LAUNDRY BECOMES PUBLIC BECAUSE IT WILL HAPPEN TO EVERY PUBLIC FIGURE SOONER OR LATER. The GOP does not have the market cornered on this ersatz righteous anger- the Dems do it too; but guess what, potential Leaders of the Free World? YOU chose this life. By proxy, you thrust your family into an unforgiving and often cruelly bright public spot light. That's unfortunate, but it's equally unfortunate for both sides. The public loves to see people fall from on high. It's been that way for all of recorded history- that's where Greek tragedy came from. Our new VP nom is fresh meat, and that's all there is to it. Stop trying to be the victim because you think we all "love an underdog". We see through you. Get back to the issues. The issues. The precious, precious issues. It will make my next eight weeks so much more delightful.
That is all. Sorry.