OMG, my husband picked out "10,000 BC" from the little red dvd dispenser (hey, it's only a buck to rent) at our grocery store the other night, and madness ensued, in the form of the shittiest movie I have seen in a long, long while.
I will not enumerate it's many historical inaccuracies, since that has been done. I will also not spend too much time on one of my biggest pet peeves, i.e. having people speak English, but with a non-commital 'accent' so we American's get that they are foreign from a foreign land. I will however, point out that this movie is not only badly written/acted/directed, but is also rather racist in that blunt way that movies were racist in the 40s and 50s- like, it's almost as though they just don't know any better.
Case in point, a bunch of caucasian-type Olde Time Cave Men Beings are squatting in their houses (Houses, mind you, made of mammoth bones. They look like gigantic piles of birdshit) when what to their wondering eyes did appear but a little girl. And they worship her, because, get this, she has BLUE CONTACT LENSES. Ok, this plot line was lame when it appeared in Big Trouble in Little China, but it's utterly asinine and repugnant here.
Like, is whitey so obsessed with his own whiteness that we WORSHIP people because their eyes are light? Ridiculous. But on it's own, it wouldn't make this movie a paragon of racism...until....UNTIL.....
White Cave Man's Blue Eyed Woman is stolen by some pseudo-Eqyptian/Arabs and he has to journey "afar" to go get her back. On the way he stumbles on a whole shit load of black tribes in the desert (he walked three days and goes from the Tundra to the Desert. And both locales have Wooly Mammoths. Ok). These black tribes have been tolerating having their women/children/etc stolen for decades by the same weirdo race that stole Blue Eyed Woman . But then White Cave Man shows up to lead them. And suddenly, they are all ready to Fight the Power. Like, in the end, the army that fights the bad guys is composed of 99.99% black folks, with 3 white leaders. Why did they need these assholes to lead them? Why couldn't they just get their shit together on their own? Was it their undesirable brown eyes? Give me a f&*%ng break.
And then we jazz the whole mess up with some magic and voo doo and prophecy and spirit animals. And the whole movie can just suck it, in my humble opinion.
But because the universe loves balance, I finally read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. Ashley hearts this book and I was looking for a good one to read and there you have it. What a lovely, simple memoir. The writing is plain and honest, and you just kind of find yourself gently lulled into the world of the book. I laughed out loud a couple of times and had a good cry after one chapter. And as a bonus, it is set right next to my old neighborhood in Brooklyn (albeit in like 1912). The family actually moves into a railroad flat with the exact same layout our apartment had. And they hated it too. Seriously, reading this book is like eating a lovely little petit fours- just perfect in it's small deliciousness. So read it. Go on. Like, now.
Ok. That's all. Have a great weekend!
